I’m new to the whole blogging game. (And it is a game, isn’t it – and not a competition?) I’ve been writing posts for about ten weeks now and have only just gone in to look at the search terms people are using to get to my blog.
And I have to tell you that…
… the results are …
… very disturbing!
Very disturbing indeed!
Are you sure you want to know?
Here goes then!
Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
I’ll ease you into it:
Search term: Annie XX
Well, this is my blog – not hers! So you won’t find her here. Might I suggest you look in Facebook instead?
Search term: Are Southpaws intelligent?
Yes – definitely! A handful of examples include: Queen Victoria, Helen Keller (advocate of the blind), Buzz Aldrin, astronaut, Bart Simpson, the author H.G. Wells, novelist Mark Twain, and Michaelangelo – to name just a few. (Let’s not forget my two anklebiters, one of my sisters and Karriärmamman!)
Search term: Woman giving breast to man
Live and let live… and all that! But you won’t find any of that here. Why not give a hug instead – or a bar of chocolate?
Yes – you’ve come to the right place! Who would have guessed that the begging bowl metaphor and poetry could be so suggestive – and beautiful?
Search term: Diet food
You’ll be sadly disappointed, I’m afraid, as my diet food consists of marshmallows and chocolate muffins… Oh yes – and vegetables – although not usually at the same time.
Search term: Wanting to wet yourself in jeans
I find this slightly sinister – and, well, how can I put it delicately? – gross! Still, just to show you how open-minded I am, this is what you should do:
- Put on a pair of jeans. (And a top, maybe.)
- Wait until it is raining really heavily. (You might have a long wait if you live somewhere dry!)
- Run around in the rain until soaking wet.
- You are now wet and in jeans. Mission accomplished!
Last one – I promise! Term: Iceberg phallus
Mmm.. you’re thinking of that post – the one about … icebergs and … stuff.
I swear I don’t make these terms up!
Do you want to know what the truly disturbing thing is?
There are plenty more where those came from!