Southpaws in wet jeans eat diet food out of begging bowls while watching giant ???

I’m new to the whole blogging game. (And it is a game, isn’t it – and not a competition?) I’ve been writing posts for about ten weeks now and have only just gone in to look at the search terms people are using to get to my blog.

And I have to tell you that…

… the results are …

… very disturbing!

Very disturbing indeed!

Are you sure you want to know?

Here goes then!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

I’ll ease you into it:

Search term: Annie XX

Well, this is my blog – not hers! So you won’t find her here. Might I suggest you look in Facebook instead?

Search term: Are Southpaws intelligent?
Yes – definitely! A handful of examples include: Queen Victoria, Helen Keller (advocate of the blind), Buzz Aldrin, astronaut, Bart Simpson, the author H.G. Wells, novelist Mark Twain, and Michaelangelo – to name just a few. (Let’s not forget my two anklebiters, one of my sisters and Karriärmamman!)

Search term: Woman giving breast to man

Live and let live… and all that! But you won’t find any of that here. Why not give a hug instead – or a bar of chocolate?

Search term: Begging bowl poetry

Yes – you’ve come to the right place! Who would have guessed that the begging bowl metaphor and poetry could be so suggestive – and beautiful?

Search term: Diet food

You’ll be sadly disappointed, I’m afraid, as my diet food consists of marshmallows and chocolate muffins… Oh yes – and vegetables – although not usually at the same time.

Search term: Wanting to wet yourself in jeans

I find this slightly sinister – and, well, how can I put it delicately? – gross! Still, just to show you how open-minded I am, this is what you should do:

  1. Put on a pair of jeans. (And a top, maybe.)
  2. Wait until it is raining really heavily. (You might have a long wait if you live somewhere dry!)
  3. Run around in the rain until soaking wet.
  4. You are now wet and in jeans. Mission accomplished!

Last one – I promise! Term: Iceberg phallus

Mmm.. you’re thinking of that post – the one about … icebergs and … stuff.

I swear I don’t make these terms up!

Do you want to know what the truly disturbing thing is?

There are plenty more where those came from!

10 thoughts on “Southpaws in wet jeans eat diet food out of begging bowls while watching giant ???

  1. And it is a game, isn’t it – and not a competition? — gosh i hope its a game…competitions scare me and i drop out of them…and I dont want to drop out of blogging..its fun!

    iceberg phallus? what on earth?

    I get “suck husband” on a regular basis…which weirds me out…its not that kind of blog people!!!!

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  2. Goodness! Actually, I am kind of jealous. No one has come to my blog via interesting, bizarre or disturbing search terms. Just boring stuff like “fall flowers” or, “xylitol and dogs.” Hmph.

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  3. Me, me I am an intelligent Southpaw!! Wetting yourself in jeans??? Iceberg phallus? I am going to do one of these posts myself one day. I get a lot of searches for hamsters for some reason.

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  4. Euuuuuwww! Yuck, you guys are word press right? Maybe it is a good thing that I don’t know how people get to my blog. Uuuugg.

    Sorry, the whole iceberg, wet jeans thing just totally grosses me out.
    Jen

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  5. Did I ever have a laugh about your search words. I’m not sure about blogging being a game. I know it definitely is not a competition. Maybe a flight of serendipity..

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  6. Nora – you can find search terms in the Admin site of your blog – they are usually tucked under the Blog Statistics heading or tab… But are you sure you really want to go there??

    everyone else: yes, and thanks, and yes – it is weird what people are looking for!

    Like

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