Posts tagged “doing business

Tantrum your way through work!

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine wrote a post (in Swedish) about her child tantruming, and she wondered what would happen if she went round acting like a six-year-old in her daily life.

Mmm… I thought. Now that would be something worth trying out at work!

This was before I got going with my own blog. I intended to start a blog and then write about this badical new method that I dub “Doing business the six-year-old way”. I got going with the blog, but then got sidetracked by all sorts of subjects… like: rain, getting wet, the Olympics, school, sadistic tooth cleaning, annoying salesmen and some crazy onions.

Today, my friend took up the suggestion of trying out this new business method in her blog. That was it: if I procrastinated any more, then my method would be patented and successful before you could chant, “Losers weepers! Finders keepers!”

The golden rule of this radical new method is this… come nearer… and I’ll whisper it to you:

ACT LIKE A SIX-YEAR-OLD HAVING A TERRIBLE, EAR-SHATTERING TANTRUM!

First of all, if you don’t have any handy six-year-olds at home, then you can use a two- or three-year-old. Note how they take a deep breath, open their mouths, look at you for effect, and then start screaming at the top of their voices. The kind of scream that shatters glasses, windows and eardrums. Note how they go red in the face, and then scarlet, then purple and finally puce. And if they still don’t get their own way, note the graceful way they will throw themselves on the ground, stamping their feet and fists in fury. And – if all else fails – watch out for those angry teeth!

Try out a few tantrums at home first.

Then you’re ready to give it a go at work. Salary negotiations would be the perfect time to use this new method. Name an astronomical wage rise, and then start screaming when your boss says no. If the boss does not give in, throw yourself on the ground (remember to wear trousers or clean underwear that day), stamp your feet and scream, “But I WAAAAAAAANT that much money a month. I WAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNT it!”

If you are not ready for the full-blown tantrum, then try turning on the tears. Let’s say that you went out to a fancy restaurant with friends last weekend, had way too many bottles of champagne and expensive food and ended up footing the bill.

You then decide to claim the money back on your expenses, and call it a ‘working dinner’. The company accountant is usually wise to this sort of ploy so will probably say no at this stage.

Do not be down-hearted: get that mouth trembling, pout with the lower lip, scrunch up your face and get those tears flowing. (You might need to cover your hands in onion juice or stick yourself in the butt with a sharp knife to get the tears started.)

You’ll be surprised by how often crying works…

One final tip: if these methods fail and you get fired (remember that new ways of thinking are hard for others to accept…), then just act like any kid would. Mooch around the house for a couple of days, then wander into the office and go back to work as normal. When your boss comes out to talk to you, then just wave and smile and ask, “Do you want to come out and play?”


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