humour

There’s snow place like winter

As winter slowly slowly melts away…

It’s good to look back and see it was a good year for snow noses –

Snow on nose

And snow moustaches.

Oscar-purple ball copy

For more adorable faces, please visit: Camera Critters.


Looking for snow

Oh look!

It’s Oscar.

He’s found some snow…

Finding Christmas

And a beautiful smile.

(A positive attitude and a great smile really are the best beauty aids, don’t you think?)

Happy snow boy

For more silly pets, please visit: Camera Critters.


Oh – those dizzy birds!

They rose in formation

And took off like sleek feathered jet planes.

Round and round they flew -

Not sure if they were coming or going.

(Don’t we all have days like that?)

After a while, they landed

Feeling a little wobbly on their feet.

But ready to try again another day.

For more dizzy creatures, please visit: Camera Critters.


Shake it, shake it – baby!

Summer

Swimming

Wet dog.

This is my favourite kind of shake! What’s yours?

For more goofiness, please visit: Camera Critters.

For all you fans of the My World meme. The meme has now become Our World Tuesday and has moved to a new web site. You will be able to post there from next week (Monday evening).

You can also join Our World on Facebook.


The Dalai Mama

Time for some silliness while I’m away!

As I was trying to give the anklebiters some advice, they turned round and said:

“There’s the Dalai Lama. And then there’s you: the Dalai Mama!”

Yes, you can find this lovely head in my garden!


Bright spark

Every Friday, Anklebiter 1 (and sometimes number 2) and I head out to a horse ranch as soon as school finishes.

The road winds past dilapidated barns and wide open countryside; the road twisting and turning and narrowing as we near our destination in the middle of nowhere.

We brush Attila, who despite his name is a darling, and then we saddle up and my daughter rides away, with the rest of us (dog included) trailing after…

Last week, AB1 went to the field to fetch Attila. Several large horses blocked the way and wouldn’t let her out.

She asked me to help by unhitching the electric fence wires and then chase these horses – did I mention how huge they are? – away.

I took my gloves off and grabbed the hook thingie to detach the wires.

Apparently, you’re supposed to grab the plastic handles and not the actual wires of an electric fence…

I yelled loudly. I shook and you could almost see my skeleton as I vibrated like a cartoon character.

But my piercing scream did the trick. The large horses ran off, terrified.

The ranch owners came running.

“Oh, it’s just me!” I said with my singed hair standing up on end. “Just testing the electric fence for you…”

Pause.

“It all works fine!”

(No wonder my daughter says I’m embarrassing…)


For more electrifying stories, please visit: Camera Critters.


How to influence people

It’s a badly-kept secret that I’m terrified of wasps.

My usual tactic is to try and stop their hearts by screaming loudly and piercingly.

A while back, I found myself in a great seaside café, when a certain someone said, “Don’t scream, but there’s a wasp on the table.”

I can cope with that as long as it’s not buzzing near me.

However, the very next moment, someone flicked the wasp away from the table so that it ricocheted off my forehead with the horrible force of a rubber ball. With a sting.

I leapt up, did a mad dance, and I might have let out a high squawk of some sort.

I’m not sure, but when I came to my senses, I realized that everyone in the restaurant was staring at me.

The anklebiters had taken refuge under the table.

And the guests nearest us switched tables in order to move away from the mad woman.

I don’t blame them… I wanted to get away from me her too…

I’m not sure why, but my kids say they find me embarrassing!

By the way, no wasps were harmed in the writing of this article…

For more stories, please visit: Camera Critters.


Cherishing the old

New Year is often a time when we want to start anew – and throw out the old.

But it’s not just a time for re-invention. It’s also a time to cherish the old treasures within us; to rise above petty things; to improve what we can and — above all – - a time to embrace ourselves with all our faults and wonderfulness.

Do you make resolutions at this time of year?

I don’t… because they go in one year and out the other!


Bottoms up!

There was an expectant hush over the crowd

As the competitors took their place.

Going for gold

In the synchronized diving Olympics!


For more delightful creatures, please visit: Camera Critters!


Feet on the ground

I love gazing at the stars

And floating up high with my head in the clouds.

But sometimes, it can be worth looking down

Just in case…

You know what? I’m sure I asked for a pair of angel wings… not an extra leg!


My new readers

I seem to have attracted some new readers.

They are faceless, of course,

But not shy about telling the world exactly what they think!

Like this…

Only one question remains: how did they know I was slightly mad?


Animals – on ice

A while ago, back in March, I seized the chance to see some exotic and unusual creatures in a cold climate…

First off were some joyful creatures from warm countries. They didn’t have any difficulty adapting to the icy conditions over here. Indeed, they seemed to thrive in the cold!

Gloria (the hippo) and Marty (the zebra)

Others were born on the ice – and graced us with their orange synchronized dancing..

And then, just when we thought we’d seen the best, magical winged creatures flittered and fluttered about, making proud parental hearts burst with pride.

If we can’t go to Madagascar, then the next best thing is to bring Madagascar to us!

For more exotic creatures, please visit: Camera Critters!


Of bad puns and posts

Post number 400 in about 20 months…

So, I thought I’d make it a wheely good one!

Have my bad puns tire-d you out yet?

Feel free to celebrate with me and add your own bad jokes…


The sad ballad of the separated lovers

Her heart was torn in two…

Someone had separated her from her one true love.

She gazed out of the window and longed

… and longed…

… and longed.

Thinking only of his return.

….

…..

When, oh when, would they be re-united?

Free to dance and whirl together

In love?

Little did she know that it might take a while…


Paranoid?

Anklebiter # 1: Mama, you know what? I’m paranoid.

Brief pause while I wonder how to respond.

Anklebiter # 1: I know what paranoid means.

Chinese_door

Me: Really? What?

Anklebiter: Well, it’s when you’re really annoyed with your parents.

Pause.

Anklebiter: I’m paranoid quite a lot.

Does that mean I’m going to be kiddanoid when they’re teenagers then?


Contemplating your navel

As a language expert afficionado, you get asked all sorts of odd questions.

My editor wrote to ask me a vital question: What do we call that stuff that collects in the filter of a clothes dryer? I immediately told her the exact scientific word: fluff.

She then mailed me back and wanted to know what you call the stuff that collects in your belly button.

I know, I know… my day is filled with tasks of startling importance!

Naturally, I told her that we call this stuff ‘belly button fluff’, but then decided to dazzle her with the extent of my knowledge and let her know that the real term for these kind of ‘fluffs’ is, in fact, lint.

Yes – you get pocket lint, clothes dryer lint and – wait for it – navel lint!

I’ll wait while you applaud me for making your day.

Now, navel lint is truly fascinating to many, it seems. In fact, a Dr. Karl Kruszelniki from Australia even went as far as to delve into the in and outs (pun intended) of belly button fluff. He was awarded an Ig Nobel Prize in 2002 for ‘achievements that cannot or should not be repeated’.

Thanks Wikipedia for this disturbing image!

This stuff defies the laws of gravity and – contrary to popular belief – it doesn’t migrate downwards from your armpits but upwards from your underwear.

One thing I wonder though is this: if your belly button sticks out does that mean you collect less fluff than if you’re an ‘innie’ and your belly button is sunk into your tummy?

I’ll just tiptoe away now and leave you to contemplate your navel – or maybe even someone else’s!


What kind of pot are you on?

And now… just in time for the start of a new school term … and as light relief amongst all the boring lovely snow photos I keep on posting…

May I present the teapot that performs complicated calculations while making the perfect cup of tea?


Golden oldie: The smell of Christmas

This is a true story that one of my friends recounted last Christmas. In fact, I think the story is so funny that it deserves to be shared with you all again.

My friend (N) and his family adopted a rescue dog from Ireland a while back: an English staffie (Staffordshire bull terrier) with the sunny disposition of a dog without a care in the world, and the energy of a circus troupe of toddlers on a sugar high!

staffbullterradult5One day last winter, I was walking in the woods when I was knocked over by a compact barrel with legs, a veritable cinnamon bun with the sheer power of a tank!

My friend, N, told me this funny story about how the Staffie had embarrassed him over Christmas. He had to nip up to the shops for some emergency food and decided to take Staffie with him for the exercise.

When he got to the supermarket, he started tying her up as usual on those doggie loops they have outside the shop. Suddenly, without any warning, she jerked the lead off the loop and made a mad dash for the shop, winding N in the process.

He sped after her, only to find her with her front paws inside the first set of automatic doors and her bum firmly outside. (It should be mentioned that there is a kind of airlock system in the shop. The first doors let you come into the lobby where you can pick up the shopping trolleys and baskets. The second set of doors open up to allow you entrance to the shop itself.)

pit-bull-drooling-740784“Gotcha!” he cackled and made a flying leap at her. Just then a large lady laden down with goodies activated the second set of doors – the ones that allow hungry dogs access to paradise!

The dog dashed triumphantly through these doors, violating every known (and unknown) Swedish health regulation (and probably all the EU ones, too!), careering past the fruit and veg as fast as her little legs could carry her and right to the back of the shop. Where she stopped. And stared. And drooled and drooled in front of the delicatessen counter.

Red-faced, N finally caught up with her, grabbed the lead and started pulling her away. Just like the sword in the stone, she refused to budge. By now, both N and Staffie had bulging eyes and pools of saliva were congealing on the floor. In the end, he had to pick her up and walk back to the doors through the whole length of the shop. The whole shop stared and tutt-tutted.

He tied her up and went back inside to buy the single item on his list.

As he waited in the queue, he could hear a weird howling sound every time the doors opened.

WHOOOO! HOOO!

Silence when they shut. Then WHOOOO! HOOO! again. Poor kid bawling its eyes out, he thought. Only to have it dawn on him that it was Staffie, making a noise that she has never made before or since.

His red face turned purple, then puce. He could hear people thinking, “That’s why people like him shouldn’t have dogs like that!”

And that, dear readers, is what the smell of Christmas can do to a dog!

(These pictures are courtesy of Google and not actually photos of the dog in question.)

For more amazing pets, please visit: Pet Pride!


Gnome sweet gnome

The children’s excitement about Christmas has reached seismic levels that cannot be measured on a Richter scale of anticipation and enthusiasm.

Each morning in the run-up to Christmas Eve – which is the BIG day here in Sweden when Santa leaves presents – the kids have been getting up and swabbing floors and windows (at around 6 am) in the hopes of keeping on Santa’s nice list!

In olden days, Swedes had house elves for that sort of thing and you only had to pay them with porridge rather than yawn-filled early mornings.

The anklebiters are also keen on the idea of having Christmas chocolates, preferably ones that they have made themselves out of melted chocolate or cocoa powder, milk and sugar!

They are eager to clean up after themselves, conveniently self-defeating though, as they forgot to clean their hands, thus peppering the house, walls, floor and fridge with delicious smears.

Oh, well – we usually just decorate the house with towers of LEGO. The chocolate handprints are a nice festive touch!

May you all have a laughter and chocolate filled Christmas!


Scandinavian humour

Who says Scandinavians don’t have a sense of humour?

(I found this gem on the Internet, but with no information as to who the photographer is. Whoever you are – I thank you for making me laugh!)


Party Queen

I know the title sounds like an Abba song… but this is my very last post about my birthday. I promise!

I just wanted to say a huge enormous glittery THANK YOU to my insane kind friends who organized a party at their house, cooked all the food and then cleaned up after we had all gone home. It was no mean feat considering the kids outnumbered the adults….Did I mention how crazy wonderful they are?

I even got a delicious chocolate cake – and a royal crown and wand. I kicked off things nicely by asking everyone to address me as Your Majesty for the entire evening…

I may have got a bit carried away waving my wand around and ordering people to obey me! Not all the adults thought it was fun to hop backwards on one leg while holding their noses and trumpeting like elephants. (Not really sure why – because it was hilarious to watch)

I thought I detected some quiet mutterings wondering whether I had just turned 50 or 5.

Or, as the oldest anklebiter put it, “You’re really getting in touch with your inner child, mama!”


Kids write the funniest things, don’t they?

Many thanks for your birthday wishes yesterday!

Today, I got a large pink envelope from my sister and family – with cards from her and my niece and nephew.

My nephew’s card was refreshingly honest:

Yes – you read right!

It says: Happy Birthday. I didn’t think you’d live this LONG! Hopefully, you’ll live forever!”

My dear nephew may just have the makings of a diplomat, don’t you think?

And if you’re thinking that my family has its fair share of nuts, you’d be right. I think we must be like squirrels – in that we hoard the nuts!

Drop me a line and let me know which nut would suit you…


How to relax…

Even Dark Lords have to have a day off from doing evil deeds and trying to take over the world!


Flushed with flattery

Why yes – you’re looking lovely today!

We could all do with a compliment now and then – so remember to pay yourself one today, and to be kind to others.

Motto of the day: Don’t be yourself today – be someone nicer and more compassionate!


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